With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy.
And yes, I'm guilty of more of these than I care to admit.
1. You have bought black electrical tape in ten packs.
2. You have stripped wire with your teeth.
3. You have told your child, "One day, all this will be yours”, and they didn't respond at all.
4. You would rather help another Ham friend hook up new equipment, or put up a new tower, than to mow your own lawn.
5. You have grabbed the wrong end of a hot soldering iron.
6. You have gotten an RF burn from your own antenna.
7. You have given out RST reports while you were on the telephone.
8. When the microphones or visual aids at a meeting did not work, you rushed up to the front to fix them.
9. You have told the XYL, when she noticed a new rig in the shack, "Why,that's been there for years!”.
10. You have set your watch to UTC only.
11. You have had to patch your roof after an antenna project fell onto it.
12. You have put a GPS tracker in the XYL's car or on the riding mower, just so you could watch it on APRS.
13. You have tapped out "CQ" or "HI" on the car horn in Morse Code to another Ham.
14. Your teenager has refused to ride in your car because it looks like a porcupine.
15. You know the Latitude, Longitude, and Elevation of your home QTH.
16. You have gone into the local Radio Shack store, and the store clerk has asked you where something is and how it works.
17. You have answered the telephone with your call sign, and then finished the conversation with "73" and your call sign.
18. You have looked for antennas, radios, and Morse Code in movies and television shows.
19. When you look at anything made of wire or metal tubing, you wonder if it could be used as an antenna.
20. Your call sign is printed on one or more of your hats, T-shirts, jackets, or other garments.
21. You regularly carry one or more tools in your pockets at any given time.
22. When any kinds of batteries go on sale, you get really excited.
23. When you look at a barbecue grill, it creates ideas about ground plane antennas or microwave reflectors.
24. You have designated all your friends as Hams or Non-Hams.
25. You have referred to your Ham friends by their call sign suffixes instead of their real names.
26. You have intentionally confused Non-Hams by telling them that the only things you talk about on the air are pork products.
27. You have intentionally scared Non-Hams with the word "RADIATION"!
28. You have looked at telephone poles and power line towers as potential antenna supports.
29. You have thought you were still hearing CW, SSB, or SSTV tones, even when your radios were off.
30. Your Go-Bag has more clothes in it than your dresser does.
31. You have a SKYWARN, RACES, ARES, ARRL, or local radio club sticker on your back window.
32. Your significant other sits in the back seat, and your radios ride in the front.
33. Your neighbors wonder if you are a Narc, a Spy, or a Federal Agent.
34. The cops pull you over because they want to see the inside of your car.